To My Marrieds

I have a message to send out to my married friends/readers.

I almost completely forgot to post about this. I think we were talking about dating or something of the sort at the garage sale a few weeks ago and I was reminded of a post about married people setting singles up, so I said I would link to it here. I was then reminded about that conversation today when I came across this scorecard about surviving church as a single at Stuff Christians Like. (In case you're wondering, I stopped counting when my score reached 1000 points. Not kidding. Okay, maybe kidding a little. But just a little.)

Truly, most of my friends are married. So that means we are in very different seasons of life (especially for those now having kids). But I’m thankful that some of those friendships are still close, and I am able to seek advice and prayer from those friends when it comes to dating and relationships (Side note: I heard someone (who I kinda respect) on the radio today give advice to a pregnant woman that she shouldn't be friends with a single friend anymore since they really won't have much in common once she has her baby. I basically almost cried.).

Thing is, I often think WHERE IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO MEET SOMEONE!?!?! That is where my marrieds come into play. Married people know some single people, don’t they? They know me, anyway! That’s a start! Maybe they know my future husband!

So, if you’re interested, read this advice on "The Set Up" (or just read the few parts I have at the end of this post) and see what you can do. Not just for me, but for all of your single friends. But for me, too. Just sayin’.

And remember, just because two people are Christians doesn’t mean they necessarily have anything else in common or are a good match. Again, just sayin’. I’ve had some STRANGE first dates and I would like to avoid that in the future.

I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that dating (especially the first date/s part) is completely tedious, stressful, and awkward. But as a good friend of mine told me, “Dating is awkward, but so is becoming the crazy cat lady”. So there's that. No matter how awkward dating is, I want to avoid being the crazy cat lady!

Here are my favorite parts of Carolyn McCulley's post on "The Set Up":

Please know the difference between being a busybody with a self-appointed agenda to "fix" every single person and a friend who truly believes God can use you to network on behalf of your single friends. The difference often lies in how much prayer you put into the situation and how discerning you are. Do not force two otherwise-incompatible people to meet simply because they are single, of the opposite gender, and they show up in church occasionally. Please consider mutual interests, energies, temperaments, and shared outlooks....I urge married women to enlist their husbands in the cause. They are the secret weapon of single women everywhere, for no one can envision a single man for marriage quite like a married man can.

Some practical tips: Invite your "targets" and some other people to your home or other outing for a group event. Don't tell the woman what you are doing. Just let her be herself. There's no point in stirring up her hopes if the man is not going to initiate. But feel free to tell the man that you've invited a woman he might enjoy meeting. Talk her up a bit, but not too much. Don't make him feel the pressure--just get him thinking about it. Whatever you do, try your hardest not to make everyone revert back to middle school. And avoid the blind date at all cost, unless your "targets" think blind dates are preferable (you should know their opinions here). You are introducing friends, that's all. So keep it chill.

Now to the "targets." Of course, you know that you never have to accept such overtures. However, I would urge all of us to examine our hearts before we respond. What are our motives for accepting or declining? Are we thinking too highly of ourselves and too poorly of others? Are we unwilling to invest a few hours in meeting another person rescued and loved by Christ? Do we have an unyielding expectation of how God should provide a mate for us? And have we possibly contorted the feminine role of joyful response into a lethargic passivity? I paint that with a broad brush, but I do want to caution us from swinging to extremes. When it comes to relationships, we have to show up. And more than show up, we have to be willing to make an investment and participate.