Make It Stop

I've been crying all day.

UGH.

Don't worry - I'm a pretty good crier. See a sappy movie = cry. See a good music video = cry. See the Olympics = cry. Hear a good story = cry. Watch athletes celebrate a big win = cry. All pretty typical for me. It's sort of (okay, not sort of, more like REALLY) a joke among my friends. I'm not emotionally unstable or anything, I just...I don't know. It's genetic.

And today was a doozie.

I do have to say that I'm overly tired, so that's not a good element to throw on top of my emotions. I ran 9 miles yesterday on not enough nourishment, then went and overcompensated for my lack of eating before I ran with too many nachos and lots of deep fried ice cream that caused me to toss and turn constantly on the one night a year where you literally lose an hour of sleep. Top that off with getting to church (read: the school building where we hold church) extra early to set up signs and tables and you had one tired chickie. But I manage pretty well on little sleep and most people can't tell how tired I am (I think).

Anyway. Back to the day. Here's a list of what contributed to my constant crying (other than the exhaustion):

• Heard a really great testimony of salvation during set-up time. No real tears yet, just tears in the eyes.
• The opening prayer for church struck a cord. A few actual tears.
• Some amazing corporate worship. Real tears (and a reminder to throw some more Kleenex in the purse).
• New member welcome at church. Seeing a friend's fiance stand up there was particularly amazing to me. They've been down quite the road and two years ago you wouldn't have thought they'd be where they are. Amazing grace.
• A new member shared her testimony. A radically changed life - I know we all are radically changed, but I hope you know my meaning here. It was just so powerful. Openly crying at this point.
• Small group after church. We shared about lives we have seen changed and people we are praying for. I tear up especially when my good friends share about their unsaved siblings.
• Talking to far-away friends on the phone. I love my friends, I just hate the far-away part.
• Talking to my Grandpa on his 90th birthday. He says his legs are sometimes sore, but he is so appreciative that his back isn't, because that is worse pain. I laugh and cry at the same time as he tells me about walking through the flea market with his cane. 90 years. Amazing. I want so many more with him around.
• Wishing I was in Arizona with family and friends as they celebrate my Grandpa's 90 years.
• Going to bed feeling so drained and blessed and confused and sad and excited and .... just feeling a lot.

There you have it.

I don't "believe" in fortune cookies or anything, but one time I got one that I thought fit me pretty well. It said "Those who laugh loud cry hard". I definitely do both. My life is (thankfully) filled with so much laughter, but I have my moments. Today I had happy tears, anxious tears, sad tears, and thankful tears. Probably even more kinds than just those. But that was plenty for one day, so now it's time for bed. Time to cry myself to sleep.