Lacking

I don’t like making big decisions. I’m just not that good at it. I’m decidedly lacking in wisdom and discernment.

It’s ironic that I posted this paragraph about making decisions a few weeks back, because now I am in two situations (one work-related and one housing-related) where I have semi-significant decisions to be made and I am completely at a loss. Especially coming off of a weekend where I finalized everything with renting my cabin out (which has left me utterly exhausted – even more so mentally than physically), I just don’t want to make any huge decisions, and in fact, feel like I am incapable of doing so.

That’s why it is great to hear verses like this one (James 1:5): “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” YAY! There is wisdom available for those of us who lack it.

When I read that verse I think: “How nice. We can ask God for wisdom.” But then I hear… “Except for you, HB. I’ve given you more task-oriented gifts. Why don’t you organize a game, set stuff up, clean up messes, and generally make sure everyone feels included. That’s what you do well. Leave the think-y things to pastors and people who keep going back to school.” And then I feel like “wah-wah”. So I have to rely on the fact that the verse is true no matter how I feel. So I've been asking. And asking.

I think the hardest part for me is that I grew up being fairly book smart, but that doesn't translate into wisdom. School and learning always came easily to me, but making decisions doesn't. So I am stuck thinking things over and over and over and still left in the same position, unable to make a final decision.

I'm currently leaning heavily on people who are more wise and discerning than I am, and I am praying a lot. This whole decision-making-process is a good stretch for me, and helpful for me to apply to all areas of my life: to rely more heavily on God and his strengths, because in my weakness He is seen more clearly.

2 Cor 12:9: "But [the Lord] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."