The Singleness Cliche

[Disclaimer: This post is a bit more….snarky….than most I post, so I hesitate, but I think I will post it anyway and I hope it comes across with the same humor I mean it to, and not bitterness, because that is not what I intend….is that disclaimer enough?........]

Let me introduce myself: I’m the singleness cliché. I come in many versions, but one thing is consistent: I’m annoying. Whether it’s “Have you prayed about it?” or “As soon as you stop wanting a relationship, you will get one” or “God will give you a husband when you are ready” or “I can’t believe you haven’t been snatched up yet”, I’m not particularly helpful.

I’m pretty sure I’m mostly uttered by married people who have no idea what to say to a single person who is really struggling, so they just say something that they heard when they were single and they’ve forgotten how exasperating I am. The worst thing about me is that behind the annoying sayings, there’s probably something truthful in what I’m saying. But ultimately I become like that song on the radio that’s played so many times you just can’t stand it and turn the station whenever it comes on. Even if there is good meaning behind the lyrics, you are so fed up with the beat and the presentation that you don’t stick around to glean anything from me.

So instead of asking “Have you prayed about it?” [because, YES, they have prayed about it. Plus, this question comes from “The Big Book of DUH Questions” which also includes the question “Do you love your kids?”], ask “How can I pray for you?” or “What are you struggling with this week?” Instead of saying “God will give you a husband when you are ready”, you might ask what areas that single person is working on to develop more holiness (while keeping in mind that there is certainly no “ready” or particular checklist to accomplish before marriage is possible or ordained). And PLEASE STOP saying that as soon as you stop wanting a relationship, you will get one. A desire for a relationship is not wrong, but you might want to help that single person to make sure a relationship is not becoming an idol. But really – don’t tell them to suppress a desire of their heart!

Because it’s more than just loneliness with those singles. There’s laziness, worry, lust, lack of trust, discontentment, and anger. Not everyone struggles with everything on this list, and this list is also not comprehensive, but it’s a start. And these issues can’t really be addressed with just a cliché. There are singles out there who want to learn from people who are married. They want to play with your kids. They want you to proactively seek out and evaluate potential mates for them, but they do not want to hear any more from me: the singleness cliché!

So, as the singleness cliché, I encourage you to reach out to a single person this week. Try not to use me. This might take a little extra effort on your part. That single person might not have as much in common with your life circumstances as your other friends at MOPS, but I bet there are things you can connect on other than the stage of life you are in. My guess is that singles really look up to you and would love the chance to learn from you, be prayed for by you, and pray for you as well. Just a guess.