Say

John Mayer's Say has been on repeat on my ipod lately:

Take all of your wasted honor.

Every little past frustration.

Take all of your so called problems,

Better put 'em in quotations.

Say what you need to say (x8)

Walking like a one man army,

Fighting with the shadows in your head.

Living in the same old moment

Knowing you'd be better off instead

If you could only....Say what you need to say (x8)

Have no fear for giving in.

Have no fear for giving over.

You better know that in the end

It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again.

Even if your hands are shaking,

And your faith is broken.

Even as your eyes are closing,

Do it with a heart wide open.

Say what you need to say

Generally I'm a pretty chatty person. I'll tell stories, talk about stuff going on in people's lives, etc. But there are definitely situations where I guard what I say to an extreme. I've always thought that it's better to not say too much in certain situations with friends, boys, at work, or with family. When I don't "say what I need to say", I'm often left, like the song says, living in the same old moment, knowing I'd be better off if I just said what I need to say! I have often felt like a "one many army" when I try to process and digest things on my own. I don't want to burden people, I don't want to offend people, and sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone to tell anyway, so I just keep it to myself and unload in my prayers. Now I'm stuck, years later, wondering what would be different if I would have said certain things at a meeting, or to a friend, or to a boy. And it's not that I'm thinking of new things now that I would have said back then - it's that I had things to say back then and I just kept them to myself.

I'm not saying that I need to go around and say every little thought that comes to mind, but I do think I should have more courage to say some things that I really do feel. Not just awkward things, or hard things, but good things too. I need to verbalize the good I see in people and be more ready with compliments. I'm thinking those things anyway, I just don't say them that much.

And in the end, if I could go back and say some of the things I wish I would have, I doubt much would have changed about the situations. But I might not still be thinking about them, so it would free up some space in my head. And make me feel a tiny bit more courageous. And add to my life experiences, I suppose. After all, I've been avoiding some conversations with friends, family, boys, and colleagues that most people my age have had many, many times by now.

So I think I'll take John's advice:


Even if your hands are shaking,

And your faith is broken.

Even as your eyes are closing,

Do it with a heart wide open.

Say what you need to say